


Go make money, damnit!

by orphan_account



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Diary/Journal, Rants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 11:49:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20563829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A series of diary notes and reminder to myself just in case I forget what I'm supposed to do. Apparently I need to focus on my life but those thoughts stress me out so it's better to pen them down and get over with them. Let's repeat: Go make money, go make money, go make money.Geez, talking to oneself is quite a positive hobby. Now to fairly judge I guess I'm pretty garrulous.





	Go make money, damnit!

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmmm. If those topics are initiated as conversations with my friends that'll be even more time-consuming. I'm curious of their perceptions though, and it's highly possible that we'll disagree, lol.

**Yo, ****erase** **unprofitable activities.**

Wow. To think this is the first time I have ever considering turning down my usages of social networks for a serious purpose, quite a suprise. _Not. _Actually, it's not even important whether an account is logged in or not, if it can be ignored then why bother deactivating? Now to reminisce a bit I abandoned a bunch of accounts without logging back just because I forgot the passwords... Eh, they're insipid so whatever. For many occasions, it's easier to leave than to stay, or at least my brains tell me not to give a flying fuck a bit too casually I became blasé toward my own life. Urg, it's better to keep one's head directed to the future anyway. 

Hm, growing up with social media as playgrounds, no wonder why seniors groan how my generation is a group of internet addicts _(then they start to use it as frequently as us when they discovered YouTube and cat memes)_. Understandable. It's a freaking metropolis here and the streets have been getting more and more suffocating in comparison to a few decades in the past, of course we would stay indoor for entertainment. Are we supposed to run outside and ride the stampede of vehicles like the way the young countrymen used to ride buffaloes for recreation during midday breaks or something? Hell no. _Pretty sure even some countryboiz have iPhone these days though. _

Lately I have been thinking about being an author as a left-handed job, unsure whether a self-publishing one or an employee in contract with a company. All I know is I want to attain realistic values from my hobbies so fervently. Come on, everyone loves making profits from doing what they enjoy. In the end, the only obstruction between you and your dreams is a serious lack of talents and abilities. 

I still don't enjoy fanfictions as much as standardized novels but they're indeed easier to produce. Last week I give senpai a few stuff of mine and somehow he thought the derivative ones are better, guess those stories should be made something more original and liberated. Admittedly it gives off a weird feeling to alter what has already been written down but it is less entertaining to write fanfictions when having to make sure the canonical elements are kept within the standards anyway (well, that's the least amount of respect for the authors). Perhaps I will cite those series as inspirations in my own works to express regards, if they ever gets published. Actually there's no option but to make it published, and that's the whole point of a secondary job, duh. 

Perhaps I don't revere art as I thought I did, or do I still? Wanting to monetize my contents, maybe I just don't like dedicating my efforts without practical returns that much. Ay, people do not only breathe to survive (are we plants or what?), and neither they can craft any sophistication with an empty stomach either. Vehemence won't last for long in a weakened body, or a dead one. 

Ok, I exaggerated a bit about starving to death but honestly, when it comes to financial aspect of anything, it is hard not to feel extreme. Mayhap it's a mentality resulted from the awareness about our phase of socioeconomical failures in the past, especially among the descendents of the vanquished side who had their rights restrained during their youths, such as my mom. We just cherish materialism, that's all. Fairly saying, if there is a trigger to my creativity, it usually associates with entities constructed from wealth. Senpai was right. In the end, I am materialistic and superficial with a shallow self-proclaimed passion for my arts. I should have listened to him when he offered me an opportunity to materialize my stuff instead, how moronic. It seems like idiocy is incurable; even when it is cured, there will be a probability where it evolves into something else, as if flaws are Pokemons or so. Whatever, now I'm not going to let my chances slip away. Too bad this site is unsuitable for for profitable activities, of course there is a legal reason for that but it is just quite disappointing personally. 

For understandable reasons, fanfictions especially in the west become a zone mainly for politically left-leaning individuals. To compare with the condition of an one state party nation my motherland is, writing fanfictions is exposed to less restrictions than writing original works, and published books have to get the approvals for 'thuần phong mỹ tục' and favoritism of authoritarian leftism, lol. As long as nothing is considered offensive in term of respect to authority figures then it is all fine. Copyright laws are severely loosened in this place anyway, like a mini China but less blatant. In a way, it can be said that we're preaching a Mary Sue-ish fanfictions of real-life people as histories here. 

.

**Perspectives are controversial, so just calm down, alright...**

I was told to be oblivious, maybe as a result of the who-give-a-fuck kind of mien when it comes to things outside my interests. _Plain poker face, meh. _That being said, typing a whole essay on how much obliviousness can also incorporate worriment won't convince anyone that I'm not ignorant so let's just agree that's they're right. There will always be various individuals with diverse mindsets, I know I'm not the only one has this type of personality.

Say, if my classmate was furious about his performance and constantly asked me about how horribly she did, if I replied 'Relax, nobody cares.', is that even appropriate? 

She got anxious even more. Okay... 

There was a YouTube comment I found really accurate - one about attitudes. 

> Nobody cares. (^_^)
> 
> Nobody cares. (T_T)

I suppose the descriptions can be applied with this case? Ay, why the hell were you depressed that nobody cared or that there might be nobody who cared? It meant you could stop nitpicking about the past and try harder next time for yourself and not others who only had a vague impression of your performance. As a matter of pragmatism, I must say that it's only necessary to give that much attention to your future since most of us are basically abstracted beings with scattered interests. Well, for the best reassurance to her let me just smile like an idiot and say "You did well." next time. 

She said that I care too little. No objection. 

At this moment I suppose I'm just making excuses to be oblivious to my friend but seriously, there are more than 7.5 billion people in this planet and it's impossible to orbit one's concerns around a single matter or person. The impacts we made are mostly not that remarkable. In a practical manner, associations are only meaningful when they're for fair shares of advantages. We're fated to be solitaires with our individualistic psyches, how are we supposed to temporarily fulfill such emptiness inside someone else when we can't even deal with those within ourselves first? What I see is seeking for comfort from others is only temporarily effective. 

How contradictory. While my mom is a socialite who can connect herself to many people's interests, I can barely recall who I talked to a few days ago. Random discussions and arguments on the internet make my mind hazy, and to be reminded that this globe is huge with ones whom I might be passionate to explore about yet haven't met yet, it felt bizarre as if I'm sinking in the ocean of mingled mindsets. For several occasions, it will be wonderful to have myself forgotten by others like how I forgot them, otherwise it would be awkward trying to explain why I even can't tell their names even when they introduced themselves already. Can we just restart one more time? Urg, just get a contact notebook. 

Quite irrelevant be it would be a lie to declare it's not sad to be forgotten by someone, but that only applies to significant ones. If I can make a person to remember me sometimes, then that one would be my father, but then it'll be better for him to cast me aside from his memory and live on happily. How can I be that selfish to wish he would think of me when I don't even know where exactly he is at - maybe still in Hongkong, whether he is dead or alive/satisfied or dissatisfied with this life/etc. or if the protest affects him, properly not. How the fuck do l know? 

I just miss him, yet it might be more soothing for us to forget each other. 

.

**Just go study then get to work, you dullard.**

Senpai used to say, if you participate in your education and pragmatic values till the point of someone telling you that you have no childhood, you might be doing it right._ That's just you, senpai. _I'm curious if he ever regards his life is soporific or forlorn, but at long as he doesn't find it despondent I assume he'll fine. Having years to spend on studying, I can't even say that I give a fuck about summer anymore. Summer is dead since adolescence began. 

There was an argument on the usefulness of academic education and I almost got lost in it with two sides either being condemnatory or defensive. Indeed studying is not always useful, but it largely depends on what one chooses to learn and make use of their attained skills. I concur with the realists, _j__ust get an 'applicable' degree. _The job markets will define such values so people don't really have to gather that much knowledge to utilize, they just need to use what they study properly. Advertisements on the utility of courses seems to get embroidered by universities although there's no guarantee of graduated students being employed in positions that they desire, especially those who engage in liberal arts. Nothing against people in those majors, _it's just that s__uch fields can be absurdly unrealistic for job hunt. _There're vocational schools with more practical lessons, or the simplest method to experience is to get the fuck to work with an adequate qualification and build up the rest of our required capabilities later. 

When looking at everyone around, we do spend a lot, didn't we? Even with financial aids, it seems like everything is expensive when it comes to education, or maybe that's just me who need to calm the fuck down. I don't want to waste my family's money. It might sound disgraceful of me whining even with school fees reduced, but then it's just another cycle of fiat money and exchange of benefits to thirst for. 

It should be said that I'm quite lucky not to get involved too much in those lectures on Marxist theories and communist youth teams like many do. If those lessons only focus on Karl Marx's criticisms on capitalism then nobody will get frustrated because those rebukes are needed for improvements, but they are added with propaganda instead. With personal experience I bet when professors being queried on the utilities of their classes many would just response with 'it never hurts to know more'. No, but it's a waste of time, but that's what'll eventually occur when students pursuing bachelor degrees in this country, with us infiltrating our minds with theories and ideologies yet how many can be collectively pick up what we truly believe and take it further as ideals? That rigid schooling at this state has become indoctrination, which is why I don't want some passions of mine getting shaped under the pressures of political expectations. Not in the western environments nor eastern ones. 

Comparing humans to computers, then it seems like some academies just fill the drive with data instead of updating the RAM. It's not the amount of information one collects, it's about how to use them to execute tasks. For some unknown _(not really) _reasons, people keep disregarding this. Knowledge, as its most fundamental usage, should be used as a tool to serve the concrete reality. Good luck maintaining delusions on oneself being educated and helpful while being unemployed. 

Undeniably there're several courses I want to take but there's not enough money and spare hours for that, but it's never too late to build my fortune and get back to studying whatever I like.

Lately I'm thinking about my part-time jobs, I wish can pay more efforts and make more money to deal with school fees on my own. Those weirdos from western nations take 40 hours/week routine as a new topic to whine about... Geez, there're people here might have spend 45 to 50 hours per week for education/work already, some would love to work for that many hours or more for extra remuneration. 

When viewing my own articles on those sites, it seems like the western culture of consumerism integrated even within the contents the freelancers are supposed to write. Just an ambiguous thought with no verification yet. I've been rolling around for nearly two years yet with limited experiences, it is still a long way to get into more exciting occupations than just common ones. That's utterly mundane. Unsure if this is even appropriate to say but it is odd how obvious the requested articles are, with common information that most people should have already known. If those articles are actually read by the users of services, then it seems like many customers need to be pampered most of the time and have little things pointed out for them otherwise they can handle situations themselves. Can't be that severe, right? 

The so-called advices and instructions given these days are also mostly generic with many spreading tips on what they should have known. Sometimes I'm curious whether those people are actually unaware of their surroundings and interpretations of those elements that they need to ask about such trivialities or not. There is a possibility that someone might pretend to be clueless to investigate others' minds, but whatever. 

By this time, I had better updated about social psychology before getting outdated for the current world. With those arrows of directions the corporations paint for customers to follow, no wonder some people are bitching about capitalism _when it has nothing to do with the sheepish buyers being easy with their wallets. It characteristics are just advantageous for ambitious minds to exploit consumerism for benefits. That's basic-basic-basic, don't blame on an economic system just because you can't adapt with it and handle the deficiencies. _Some people are kinda hopeless with the self-pitying and self-victimizing habits. No one owns you shit, go work for it. 

I just want to carry on my normal lifetime. Study. Graduate. Get a job, and an additional job. Make money, as much as possible. Take care of my family. Provide them with happiness. Only that ordinary desire. 

.

**It's almost the end of this decade, so of course we're pushing the edginess forward to counterstrike the mentally weak mindsets.**

Strange, considering how lazy many contemporary citizens are toward thinking, Descartes would probably be howling in grief from under the grave (and perhaps cussing at the pseudo-thinkers like me of why my thoughts are so hyperactive and moronic). Nah, by now just think for fun then rationalize later. I'm writing this to get over with boredom anyway. 

One of the sources that provokes thoughts is the topic of societies. It's ridiculous how some whine about being stuck in the Orwellian dystopian when they're in a Huxley's version right now, with the true remaining Orwellian ones alongside _*cough* and that big boy of neo-totalitarianism on the north of our motherland *cough*_. Give me a break. The west is not oppressed, a part of them are just demanding of more rights than they already have. How about us? 

It is amazingly intriguing, how the world functions. Possibly I have spent time too much with those idolized seniors of mine and all those I revere that I get distanced from the other groups. So far I've left multiple groups with proclaimed dIvErSiTy, their perspectives are awfully homogeneous with very little disagreements and group think being promoted to extreme level. Why meeting up with ones whose anxiety.jpg inserted on their faces when discussing about working harder and stop deluding ourselves about self-sufficiency anyway? 

Oh wow, I just realize the my friend group of edgelords is actually a minority. Guess counterculture and all that jazz aren't that popular, or maybe I just seek in the false groups. It's more comfortable spending time around people who admit their personalities are shits rather than acting flattery and actively sprinkling sugarcoated hypocrisy like some kinds of hot shits, or I shall say playing 'nice' too intensely isn't that cool with one's traits less attractive than a brick wall. We're worthless one way or another, I think my friends and I cope well with ourselves being optimistic trashes. At some points we can recycle our lives with purposes. 

It isn't the case everyone getting offended is a sensitive freak or something but watching negatively pessimistic people make me cringe a bit, but then they might feel the same looking at us high-fiving while telling each other 'you suck, fuck you and your pseudo-nihilism' or 'wish you got smashed by a trigglypuff' _(no worry, I'm not in the US so it's almost impossible to encouter a trigglypuff)_. Pessimism is alright, but at least be positive about it. We're all going to die and turn back to stardust anyway so why so serious? Let's the metaphysical pains ravish us as we party in them. This meme can summarize our attitude perfectly. 

Lol. I'm an easterner, but I completely understand why my western friends loathe their older generation. The brain becomes fully developed after 25 years old, which means those millennials are supposed to be 'matured' by now, although I doubt that statement. Mankind is already chaotic, yet the gen Y snowflakes have to exaggerate everything to make worsen the mentality of the current zeitgeist. Modern liberalism and its creations - all those groups with frustrated people dwelling in their echo chambers and showering one another with disingenuous compliments and fake comforts because they can't face the real world, deceiving themselves how their existences are special and unique, I don't want to end up petty like that. Glad the eastern millennials are totally different, I've never seen any senpai of mine acting that inane toward normal circumstances. Afterall, if lives are too desperate, at least try to have moments when we shoot ourselves in our Corollas. It's much more interesting to die fancily than live a pesky lifetime nurturing some insipid emotions and gain nothing objectively valuable. When gen Alpha kids grow up a bit more, I'll be a nice senpai and shape them properly into strong-willed individuals. We have enough with the fragile freaks acting like children although they have been 'grown up' already, at least physically. Just- toughen-the-fuck-up.

Cultures really define certain aspects of a person, especially with structural ones that don't exaggerate on social justices and equality. With Nathan Law and Joshua Wong being representatives for youngsters to admire, I'm glad I was raised during those years critical conditions and revering strong-willed individuals. Some westerners like Hunter Avallone and Paul Joseph Watson are also qualified as senpai materials too, although I don't agree with everything they suggest. Candidly saying, the cycle of eras in the west seems to have reached a stage where weakness and dependence become norms for citizens to embrace.

It feels bitter to watch those scenes of chaos disparaging my societies, but it's hard time that makes us stronger and it's an honor to behold an anacrusis of history. Glad Asian seniors are bold and critical, I rather get beaten by clothes hanger for my misbehavior than having my faults dismissed. If I can endure and overcome difficulties offered by my caretakers, then I shall not step back for any challenge in front of me. Hardships are essential for progressions, I'm sick of peope blaming their parents for their own failures just because they're spoiled with too much assistance. 

.

**Dating is odd.**

Chattering about latest trends, laughing at the boring jokes, holding hands and interlacing our fingers, and then what? It's only for experiment, but with no veritable upshot. 

Tell me, is romance dead or has it always been an illusion? 

**Author's Note:**

> Money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money.  
Just to empathize emphasize the importance of it. Do you remember now?


End file.
